The day I changed myself It was sunny afternoon in the middle of the summer. I was reading a book. Then my mother called me and told that, I and my family are moving from our country. My calm mind sudden changed in temper mind. I was shocked. Was I hearing something wrong? That came to my mind first. Because I could not imagine that she can tell me such matter in such an easy mood. But what I heard and what expression I see in my mother’s face was completely right. That incident came like a storm and floated everything with it.
I lived in Bangladesh. For fourteen years Bangladesh had been my home. Everyone loves their country, but when they leave their country then they understand what their country, their language, their culture is. A country is like man’s shelter. Everyone is well-known about their environment, but when one goes to another country, they understand that no one is familiar to him. That is exactly my case. By attending a public school with one thousand students from preschool through grade eight I grew up with the same friends and classmates in each grade since the age of five.
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We know each other so well that we were like family, and I blossomed in this sheltered environment. This sheltered environment was shattered on the 22nd July 2008 when my family received a large, white, official envelope with the seal of United States of America. After hearing that news from my mother’s mouth, my mind was full of questions. All questions are initially run through my emotional mind and my parents are refused to answer my questions. How could they force such a change in my life and ignore my questions?
My parents were being cruel, not because they were making move but because they were completely ignoring my feelings and questions. My opinions and feelings meant nothing to them because they made the choice on their own. I ran to my room and shut the door. What I heard just five minutes ago, my mother’s voice was chanting those words beside me. During which time I could absorb the fact that I was just going to left my friends, my country, and my home. And I could quite possibly never see Bangladesh again. Not because I wanted to, but because my parents had not given me any choice.
I was torn between sadness at going to leave my whole life behind and a feeling of anxiety at starting a new life in an unknown world. After the first push of that incident I settle down and called my best friend who always supported me in my worse times. I told him the full matter. I shouted, I cried and asked him that, what I did that; god is giving me that type of punishment. He had no word to console me except listen to me. He listen the full matter quietly. I was so emotional that time, I just became teenager. For a teenager it was the largest pain. It was more than I could accept in my little mind.
My mind is hoping that this was simply an unpleasant dream or a nightmare. But this imagination felt like a hard slap in my face. This is not happening that came to mind then. To go another country or stay another country it would depend on my parent’s decision. Whatever they decide that will happen in my life. My life is in their hand. That night, fighting to hold the tears in my eyes, I lied restlessly in my bed with a cold blanket hiding my face and looking over the window to see the night beauty of my country, who can tell that; can I see these beauties may two or three days more. The next day I woke up to look outside the window.
I was depressed. I was not on the state of anything listening or anything seeing. I went in front of my house. One year age I made a garden in front of my house. It was the most favorite place of mine whenever I get upset I used to come here and the breeze of the garden take away the sadness from me. It is pleasant and beautiful surrounding of my garden. It is quite, it is sets the mood that I want to think about anything, like about my life. The beautiful white and red roses used to say hi to me. Every day I also wish them back but that day my mind was not in the Earth it went somewhere else.
I was thinking that, my moving from country is like my garden. I created my garden to give all my effort in this land and I created a little world beside me in my country and now someone is telling me that I had to leave my little world, like take away all your trees and find different land for your garden. I had to torn all my bonding. I had to leave everything I create. Then the day came, 25 July2008. Our flight was at night 1:52am. We said bye to our relatives and friends. And then we fly in the sky. My mind was stacked by questions. My eyes are red because of shedding tears past two days.
I was feeling that time, that we flying and this flight will taking me far away from my country. Such a country, I do not have any idea how it is look like. I was going to face a largest challenge of finding new friends, adapting to a new school system and a whole new different culture. Whole forty-eight hours flight was lay ahead of me and my mind was full of imaginations. My first step of United States of America was 28 July2008. With many sacred feelings from my country, put it in heart I started my life in America. It was hard, hurting and full of pain. I could not remember any smile, I smiled from my heart.
When I smiled, it was only for my parents and to show them that I am happy in America. My body is here but my soul is not here. My soul is in my country, where one year ago a jolly teenager laughs from her heart and talks with hopes with full heart of hopes. When I see my face in the mirror, sometimes I asked myself that; is that me? I changed so strangely, that sometimes it is difficult to know me for me. What I was and what I am now. But is these want my parents for me that changing fully or they want something else. I still do not know what the reason was behind to leave our country.
Is it for better future for us or only for our parent’s ambitious mind? I don’t know or maybe I am not mature enough to understand the fact of left our country or it can be happen also that, I should never know that reason. That incident snatched everything from me like a sudden storm. Moved to America changed my whole life. This is my fate. I cannot do anything against my fate. Some says; “man proposes but god disposes” it can be true but I personally feel that, “life is what we make it” so I won’t give up. I have to keep patience. Maybe the day is not far when I will go back to my country.